


with arms outstretched

by redreys



Series: a series of tender events [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Other, Peter has a nightmare, They Love Each Other A Whole Lot, juno thinks tender thoughts and holds him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redreys/pseuds/redreys
Summary: Peter has a nightmare. Juno loves him very much.
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Series: a series of tender events [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550137
Comments: 9
Kudos: 116





	with arms outstretched

Outside, it rains.

It’s the first thing Juno notices, really. Before he can get his bearings and emerge from whatever dream he got stuck into, he hears the rain. And, in all honesty, it’s pretty nice.

Gradually, he opens his eyes. Shitty motel, small room. Which means, undercover job. Likely have to be awake in a couple of hours. He can deal with that.

And then: warmth.

Warm duvets, surely, but, more than that, a warm body against his.

Nureyev’s body, to be precise. Sleeping on his belly, entirely naked, head ducked into Juno’s neck, arm throw around his waist, long legs nonchalantly resting just about wherever.

Juno relaxes into his arms, and listens.

To the rain, yes, but mostly to Peter’s breath.

It’s calming.

So calming, in fact, that Juno almost falls back to sleep without even questioning why he woke up in the first place— he can deal with the memories of the dreams or whatever unfulfilled need he had in the morning. But just as his thoughts start to drift away, Nureyev moves. Juno keeps his eyes closed on instinct (once a detective always a detective, after all) and feels Peter’s right hand go up on Juno’s ribcage; his face pressing gently into his skin.

At first, he thinks Nureyev is just moving in his sleep. He shivers at that, obviously. However hard he might try not to. It’s just hard to conceive it, to accept that simple undeniable habit: Peter is so used to reach for him that he does it even when he is unconscious.

  
Only then, however, he realizes that Peter is— shaking.

It’s subtle and quiet, but he is shaking. _Is he cold?_ Juno thinks, briefly, but the room temperature is quite high and it really just seems unlikely.

 _No_ , he says to himself, slowly, as Peter’s breath gets louder and irregular, _no, it’s not that kind of thing._

For a while, Juno has no idea what to do.

He lays still as Nureyev trembles in his arms, and tries his best not to say something. He isn’t sure talking is what Peter wants, and besides, if he needed Juno, he would (probably, allegedly, hopefully) wake him up. 

One would think that the worst thing about the situation would be the indecision, the awkwardness of it, the desire to help and the inability to. But it’s not that.

Juno knows Peter must be struggling with what he assumes is a nightmare or a traumatic memory or a painful thought, and the worst part is that it _hurts_. It hurts to see him like that, it hurts on his skin and all over his body until not moving is physically excruciating. He wants, needs to— well, he doesn’t know what. Love him, maybe. Silently remind him that he didn’t do anything to deserve whatever is happening to him.

And that, it. It always shakes him, it’s always a discovery. Every time he greets Nureyev by name all over again and it’s all unfair. Yeah suffering is inevitable and all of that, but it’s unfair.

People like Nureyev should walk around the universe and leave behind a trail of magic and charm, and they should be loved and have like, a house they feel safe in, a drawer with their favorite ties or socks or dresses, and some really good stories to tell to strangers so they can smile at them when they finally laugh— and that should be it.

No suffering no loneliness no pain.

Juno knows that wouldn’t work. He knows it doesn’t make any sense, to think of it in those terms. But regardless, Nureyev is shaking against him, and it’s not _fair_.

Eventually, on a whim, in a leap of faith, he turns slightly to Peter’s side and holds him tighter. He does it because he is not entirely sure Nureyev would, in fact, wake him up. And because part of him knows that if Peter was brave enough to reach for him in the dark, if Juno does it quietly and discretely, he may be brave enough for him to reach back.

There’s a small intake of breath, then. Surprise, maybe. Or perhaps even fear.

It’s just a moment, however. It passes, like most things, and Nureyev simply lets out a sigh.

His breathing becomes even louder and even more irregular, and Juno thinks _were you holding back for me?_ and he wants to tell him not to do it ever again thank you very much, and wake me up next time and what were you even dreaming about? is it your childhood is it Mag is it some dreadful thing I don’t know about is it death is it fear is it pain is it loss is it me leaving you alone in the middle of the night?

But he says none of those things. He doesn’t say anything at all, actually.

He holds him, closer still, and he shifts until they are both lying on their side and Peter is sobbing into Juno’s chest, both hands gripping tight on Juno’s nightgown, and Juno caresses his back and kisses his hair and waits for it to be over.

For some absurd reason, in the midst of all of that, he can’t help but think about that thing Nureyev said to him a couple of weeks ago— _if I love you, it is not because to the “love” or the “I” part of the sentence._

And like a truck in the middle of the street at three in the morning, it hits him: that’s not true.

It _is_ because of the “love” and the “I” part of the sentence. It is also because of the “you”, undoubtedly, but Juno looks down ad Peter, at the way he is so fiercely trying to survive, and it’s so obvious to him.

Peter is _there_. Despite everything, despite the pain and the trauma he still has to live with, despite all that was done to him, Peter is there to say _I_ , and, most importantly, he is there to choose the version of himself that still has the courage to love.

The “you” could be worth twice the value of the entire universe, but to reach it Nureyev would still have to get through the first two words.

And again, he wants to say that, too, but even then he stays silent.

He waits.

Peter stops shaking after a while. Then, slowly, he stops crying.

“Better?” Juno says, eventually.

“Yes,” Peter replies, and his voice is so quiet that it’s barely there.

Juno asks him he wants to talk about it, which, predictably, he doesn’t, and then he decides to risk it. To just say it.

“You are good,” he whispers, stupidly, and shit it sounded a lot better in his head.

He feels the statement is probably a little unclear: good like he is going to be okay, or good meaning that he is a good person?

On the other hand, he probably means both, so he leaves it at that.

Nureyev looks up, and in the dim light of the room, Juno can see him widening his wet eyes.

“What?”

“You are good,” Juno repeats, and takes his face into his hands.

Nureyev keeps staring at him like he just doesn’t believe him.

Which is, well. Understandable, all in all.

So Juno kisses his forehead, and says it once more.

Peter starts crying again.

Juno lets him. 

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "With Arms Outstretched" by Rilo Keily.


End file.
